


Got Your Nose!

by rebelmeg



Series: Rebelmeg's TSB Fills 2020 [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: DUM-E is adorable, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, POV Dummy (Iron Man movies), Tony Stark Loves Babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23078698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelmeg/pseuds/rebelmeg
Summary: Dum-E is intrigued by the game Ton-E is playing with the miscellaneous smol child that is hanging out with him in the workshop.Written for my super confusing TSB square T1 - Writing format: flashfic  (I googled this extensively and found a ton of conflicting or completely different definitions.)
Relationships: Dummy & Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Dummy (Iron Man movies) & Tony Stark
Series: Rebelmeg's TSB Fills 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591063
Comments: 46
Kudos: 180
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	Got Your Nose!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ali_aliska](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ali_aliska/gifts), [feignedsobriquet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feignedsobriquet/gifts), [journeythroughtherain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/journeythroughtherain/gifts).



> Title: Got Your Nose!  
> Collaborator: rebelmeg  
> Card Number: 3055  
> Square Filled: T1 - Writing format: flashfic  
> Ship: Dum-E & Tony & JARVIS  
> Rating: Gen  
> Major Tags: fluff and crack, Dum-E is adorable  
> Summary: Dum-E is intrigued by the game Ton-E is playing with the miscellaneous smol child that is hanging out with him in the workshop.  
> Word Count: 2739

“Tony… why is there a baby in your arms?”

Pepper’s voice brought the man’s head around, and he beamed at her. “Hey, Miss Potts!” The baby that was indeed cradled in his arms made a grab for his goatee, and it was only because he kept the facial hair meticulously trimmed that it didn’t end up grabbing hold and yanking. “This is Daphne, and she’s the cutest cutie ever.” He made a burbling sound with his mouth and wrinkled his nose, making the baby smile and coo.

“How did you manage to acquire the cutest cutie ever?”

“Susan MacFarland, the receptionist from the lobby that I like, she had to go get her other kid from school or something. I was passing through, so I offered to watch this one.” Tony bounced the baby in his arms, at which she giggled. Pepper looked like she was torn between great concern and possibly finding the entire situation cute.

“How long will you have your little guest there?”

Tony just shrugged, hiding a smile at the way Pepper squinted slightly, then rather pointedly pulled out her phone to text someone. Tony would put money on it being Susan. With a sigh (and hiding a smile herself), she went to leave.

“JARVIS, let me know if there are any disasters in here.”

“I certainly shall, Miss Potts.”

* * *

Dum-E was _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **curious**. In fact, he’d been curious since the tiny, soft human had come into the lab in Ton-E’s arms. Dum-E had seen representations of children and babies, images, but he’d never seen one like this. It wiggled a lot, made interesting noises, and did the same thing Ton-E did sometimes when he fell asleep in the workshop. _(Accessing vocabulary files… searching…)_

 _Drooled_ , that was it, Dum-E confirmed. It drooled.

 _(Accessing human databank -- >)_ **Intrigued** by something new Ton-E was doing with the Bab-E, Dum-E crept forward. He’d rushed over earlier, as soon as the Bab-E came into the workshop, but Ton-E had told him that the Bab-E was fragile and couldn’t be played with.

All evidence to the contrary, given the way Ton-E was interacting with the Bab-E, both of them making noises that indicated **happiness** and **humor**.

“I see you over here, Dum-E. You’re not as **sneaky** as you think you are.”

Dum-E made a _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **sad** beep, knowing he wasn’t going to get to play.

“What’s up with the droopy metal child, J?”

“He’s wondering what you’re doing, sir.” JARVIS replied after he made a brief query.

“Just playing a game. See, I give her nose a tweak,” Ton-E did so, making an amusing sound that sounded like _boop!_ “Catch her nose,” Ton-E held up his hand, where the tip of his thumb peeked out between the knuckles of his first and middle finger, “and say, got your nose!”

Dum-E made several _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **disgruntled** sounds, very _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **irritated** now.

“What?!” Ton-E sounded exasperated.

“He’s **upset** that you get to play with the Bab-E and he doesn’t, Sir.” JARVIS explained. Dum-E nodded his claw, scootching forward just a little bit closer.

“Oh, you ridiculous concoction of gears.” Ton-E sighed and switched the Bab-E to his other arm, then beckoned to Dum-E. “Get over here. You can say hi. But you have to move very slow and gentle, okay? Remember the balloon and the eggs? It’s like that. Except if you pop or break this thing, I will shut you down.”

Ton-E never said that unless he was very _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **serious** , and Dum-E paused to recall what the balloon game and the egg game had taught him. Slow and gentle. 

Rolling forward again, Dum-E was very, very careful as he approached the Bab-E. It was chewing on its fist, drooling some more, and Dum-E slowly opened and closed his claw, bobbing it slowly in greeting.

Ton-E reached out to pat his strut, then nudged the Bab-E up higher in his arms. “This is Dum-E, he’s my Bab-E. Dum-E, this is Daf-NE. She’s visiting for a little while.”

Dum-E nearly trembled with _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **excitement**. He had never heard Ton-E call Dum-E his Bab-E before, that was a very good thing. He reached out with his claw and petted through Ton-E’s hair, feeling very _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **fond**.

Making one of the many sounds that Dum-E didn’t know yet, the Bab-E reached up with one of those small, round hands, and Dum-E lowered his claw to touch. Slow and gentle.

“There you go. Good job, buddy. I shoulda known you’d like babies, you just about went **crazy** when we had that kitten in here forever ago.”

Dum-E remembered the Kit-N, it had been tiny and soft and also made interesting noises like the Bab-E did. It had climbed on Dum-E, pawing at his wires and curling up on his body to sleep, making a tiny vibrating noise that made Ton-E smile. Dum-E _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **liked** the Kit-N, and he liked this Bab-E too.

Very carefully, Dum-E reached his claw forward, intending to try the game that Ton-E had been playing with Daf-NE, but before he could, JARVIS interrupted.

“Sir, Mrs. MacFarland has returned and can come get the Bab-E now.”

“Aww, playtime is over.” Stepping back, Ton-E gave Dum-E another pat before turning to leave. “You did a great job, buddy, I’m **proud** of you. Let her know I’m on my way, J.”

Feeling just a little _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **disappointed** , Dum-E watched Ton-E and Daf-NE leave. Ton-E was bouncing the Bab-E in his arms, making raspberry noises with his mouth while he tickled her neck, and the Bab-E was giggling and grabbing at his hand.

While Ton-E was gone, Dum-E went back to the task he’d been working on before, but his thought processes were on something else.

Ton-E played the nose game with the Bab-E to show _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **affection** , to make Daf-NE _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >) _**happy**. Dum-E was a Very Observant Bot, Pep-R had told him so before. 

It was obvious what Dum-E had to do. He would play the game too! And he would get all the noses!

* * *

Dum-E lifted his arm and focused his camera when he heard the door to the workshop open. Was it Ton-E? Dum-E _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **loved** Ton-E. And Pep-R, and Rhod-E, and Hap-E.

It was St-EV. Dum-E _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **liked** St-EV! And oh! St-EV could play Dum-E’s new game!

St-EV wasn’t fragile or soft like the Bab-E, he was even stronger than Ton-E, Dum-E knew that. So when St-EV came into the workshop, looking for Ton-E, Dum-E went towards him fast, beeping in _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **excitement**.

And got St-EV’s nose!

Beeping and trilling (Accessing human emotion databank -->) **happily** , Dum-E spun in a (Accessing human emotion databank -->) **triumphant** circle, (Accessing human emotion databank -->) **excited** to play this new game, but then he realized that St-EV had disappeared. Looking around, Dum-E finally found him on the floor, making _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **sad** and _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **hurt** sounds, holding his nose.

Oh, no. Dum-E had done it wrong.

* * *

“Um, what the hell?”

Tony glanced between his bot, who had just gone from spinning around in happy circles to looking down at Steve and making the saddest, most dejected sound ever… and the supersoldier lying on the floor, moaning and clutching his nose with bloody hands.

JARVIS made that sound, the one that was the AI’s version of a sigh, and said, “Dum-E got his nose. I’m very sorry, Captain Rogers, I did not realize Dum-E’s intent until it was too late.”

“S’okay, JARVIS," Steve mumbled between his hands. "He didn’t mean to hurt me, right?”

“No, he was attempting to play a game.”

Blinking a few times, Tony watched Dum-E prod very gently at Steve, beeping worriedly while Steve made an effort to pet the bot without getting blood on him as he moaned pathetically.

“Okay, you know what. Not today. Not enough coffee. JARVIS, make my bot not do that anymore until I can explain why.”

“Yes, sir. I have already alerted medical, and Dr. Banner is on his way in the meantime.”

“Great. Steve, you want me to bring you back some Starbucks?”

“Go away.”

“Yup, going.”

* * *

“He broke Steve’s nose.”

“Yep.”

“Your bot, the one that makes sad noises when he thinks you don’t love him, and chases balls like a puppy, and likes to put motor oil into your smoothies on purpose because he thinks it’s funny… _that_ bot, broke a supersoldier’s nose. Because he was trying to play a game.”

“To be fair, I really think he succeeded. He sure did get that nose.”

“Tony… _why?!_ ”

“You are gonna have to be a looooot more specific if you want that question answered, my friend.”

* * *

After a long talk, Dum-E finally understood the game. It took some practice for him to get good at it, to find the right amount of speed and force to use so that he won without causing injury. Thor volunteered to help, confident that Dum-E would have a much harder time breaking a demi-god’s nose. Which was true, though Tony definitely laughed every single time he saw the double black eyes Thor was sporting for a few hours after Dum-E’s first attempt at catching his nose.

Bruce decided to just avoid the lab for a couple days until Dum-E mastered it (or lost interest), and Steve showed up with a brand new hot pink tennis ball to bribe the bot into trying it again with him. Dum-E had almost got it by the end of that session, and when Natasha came home from a week-long mission and headed to the lab to give Tony some feedback on some new Widow Bites he’d made for her, the bot was very excited to get Natasha’s nose.

Tony honestly had no idea how the woman had managed to literally flip his bot over (the thing weighed nearly a ton!), but once he explained what Dum-E had been trying to do, Natasha sat and kept the bot company while Tony got U rigged up with a harness to pull Dum-E back on his wheels.

“It’s alright,” Natasha soothed as she petted Dum-E’s strut. “You just caught me by surprise. Give me a warning next time, alright?”

Dum-E beeped in agreement from his position on the floor, and toyed with the ends of her hair with his claw.

Clint would have been Dum-E’s first successful participant in the game, except that he proved that he was indeed a dumpster fire of a human being and tripped just as Dum-E got in range, falling right into Dum-E’s claw. 

“Aw, Dum-E, no, don’t be all droopy on me, it’s not your fault! This is not my first black eye and won’t be my last. Did you get my nose?”

(Tony had to leave the workshop, he was laughing so hard.)

Rhodey was Dum-E’s first official success. The man stood there, courageous and very still as Dum-E approached (he was very used to bot shenanigans by now), letting the bot boop and tweak his nose with a very triumphant trill.

“Colonel, Dum-E got your nose.” JARVIS informed him, as Dum-E spun around at breakneck speed, beeping wildly in celebration.

“Oh, that’s what he’s doing.”

Tony, who had just scooted out from under a car when he heard Dum-E going ballistic, shoved his goggles up apprehensively. “He didn’t break your nose, did he?”

“Um, no? But apparently he did get it.”

Tony sagged a little in relief. “Oh, thank Tesla. I forgot to warn you about it. This is his new thing.”

Rhodey grinned and watched the bot, who had gone streaking across the lab and was now apparently having a very thrilled conversation with U about it, both the bots beeping like crazy and bobbing their arms. “He’s done worse things.”

* * *

Just in case, Tony stuck a sign on the door of the lab:

**Warning: Entry will result in your nose being gotten!**

Dum-E loved the idea, and even posed with Steve for a picture, mid-nose-getting. He also set up a score sheet that he kept on the lab fridge, a column for every person that entered the lab, with a space for check marks so he could carefully mark down how many times he had gotten whose noses. 

Tony was obviously gotten the most times, by a landslide, and at one point after waiting for Dum-E to get his nose, he asked, “Dum-E, can I get your nose?”

Dum-E made some kind of reply, and it sounded distinctly sassy.

JARVIS piped up, “He says don’t be silly, he doesn’t have a nose.”

* * *

Dum-E _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **liked** it when more of Ton-E’s friends moved into the Tower. SAM and Buck-E were fun, and Ton-E’s cousin Shar-N came by more. They each got a column on Dum-E’s score sheet.

SAM had been funny the first time, he had played tag while Dum-E tried to catch him and get his nose, yelling while Ton-E fell off his chair and laughed for a long time. SAM won, he got out of the lab before Dum-E got his nose, but he came back a little while later, looking _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **nervous** until Dum-E got his nose. But then he smiled, and it was nice. Dum-E _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **liked** smiles, a lot. SAM was his friend now.

Buck-E was _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **nervous** too, like the butterfly that got into the lab once. It took him a long time to come to the lab, and he hovered at the door, looking _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **uncertain**. Ton-E hadn’t seen him yet, so Dum-E went to say hi. Sometimes Bruc-E was _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **nervous** when he came to the lab, looking _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **sad** and fidgeting, but Ton-E always told him to come in, would give him a hug and talk to him gently, coax him to come play, and it always made Bruc-E smile. 

Dum-E _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **loved** making people smile. He would make Buck-E smile too.

Rolling over slowly, Dum-E didn’t get too close, but he bobbed his arm at Buck-E and beeped, not too loud. Buck-E didn’t move, so Dum-E got a tiny bit closer, stretching out his claw. He was almost close enough, so he scooted forward one more time… and very gently got Buck-E’s nose.

Dum-E trilled with _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **jubilation** when Buck-E smiled, then carefully patted Buck-E’s head. With a quick, _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **happy** spin, he zoomed off to the fridge, to add Buck-E’s name and a check mark on his score sheet. He felt very _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **satisfied**.

* * *

“Um…”

“Oh, hey, Tastee-Freeze! You’re here!” Tony looked up from some complicated thingamajig he was working on. 

“Yeah.” Bucky’s eyes flitted between him and the robot that had just… well, booped his nose. “Does he, it, uh… do that a lot?”

Tony followed his gaze, then grinned and rolled his eyes in exasperation when he saw the bot doing something with a pencil by the fridge. “Lemme guess. He got your nose?”

Bucky touched his nose self-consciously. “Maybe?”

Tony mimed tweaking someone’s nose, his thumb held between his knuckles. “You know, ha ha, got your nose!”

“Ohhh… yeah, that might have been it.”

“Yeah, he does that. And might I point out, there is literally a warning sign on the door about it. But hey, you missed the part where he was still trying to figure out how to not break said noses, so you’re actually really fortunate.”

“He what?”

“I’ve got pictures, hold on. J?”

“If you would direct your attention this way, Sergeant Barnes.” The AI answered, projecting the beginning of a slideshow entitled _“Dum-E Learns How To Play ‘Got Your Nose!’”_

The first few pictures had Bucky smiling a little, the bot watching Tony and a baby, the claw on the end of his arm tilting curiously as Tony demonstrated the game. But then the first picture of Steve came up, flat on the floor holding a bloody nose, while the bot hovered over him. 

And it made Bucky laugh for the first time in ages.

Over in his corner, Dum-E felt very _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **pleased** with himself. He _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **loved** learning new games that made his friends _(Accessing human emotion databank -- >)_ **happy**.

Dum-E was the Very Best Bot.

**Author's Note:**

> Curious about the Kit-N that got into the workshop? You're not alone! You can read about it here.


End file.
